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To be Continued…
By JJ MacNab | November 7, 2008
It’s the final game in the US Giants vs. DC Tax Dodgers world series…
Crack. The batter hits a line drive straight into the waiting glove of an attentive outfielder.  It’s the bottom of the ninth, and if the runner at third makes it home, his team wins the game. So he runs like there’s no tomorrow, his fans cheer him on, but, as he slides towards home plate, the glove of the catcher tags him on the shoulder. All eyes turn to the umpire.Â
The umpire flashes his best Hollywood smile at the crowd. His pearly whites go “Ting” in the sunlight. He takes a dramatic moment before speaking.
“I’m afraid there are just too many variables for me to call the play today,” says the umpire. “Come back in six weeks for my decision.” He smiles winningly.
The managers from both teams rush up from their benches.
“Umpire Dude, the runner is still three feet away from home plate. He’s obviously out,” declares the US Giants manager.Â
The manager is clearly irritated at yet another delay in this interminable game.  The same umpire had already turned the seventh inning stretch into a six-month waiting marathon, and all of the players and coaches were feeling a tad rusty and anxious to resolve the game.
The umpire frowns. “I know the vast majority of umpires would agree with you, but I’ve never really liked the idea that the runner has to actually touch the base. It just seems so unfair to me.”
The US Giants manager whips out his rule book.  ”Section 7.02 of the MLB rules clearly states, ‘In advancing, a runner shall touch first, second, third and home base in order.’ With all due respect, Umpire Dude, this runner was tagged before he touched the home plate.”
Realizing that the umpire is leaning in his direction, the DC Dodgers manager plays it safe.
“I agree with you, Umpire Dude,” he claims, nodding his head sagely, “and if you don’t mind, I’d like to introduce some of the runner’s fans to you at this time.”
The umpire agrees, and one by one, roughly 40 fans step out on to the field and state their names and occupations. They all declare, sometimes through tears, just how much they think the runner is a really cool guy.
Bolstered by the endorsements of the fans, the umpire continues his stubborn quest to find the runner safe.Â
“Even if it’s in the rulebook, I’m the umpire. I can decide to call him safe, just ’cause I want to.”
The DC Dodgers manager gets excited that he might actually win what had appeared to be a losing play. “It’s happened before, you know, Umpire Dude. In the 1998 game of Seahawks v. Jets, the ref there ruled that a player named Testaverde was close enough to score.”
The Giants’ manager replies cautiously, “That’s football, not baseball, and that ruling was considered so egregious it brought back the instant replay. The only rules that matter in this call are baseball rules.”
“Well, I suppose that might be a valid point,” concedes the umpire. “So, before I rule on the play, I would like the Giants manager to put together a comprehensive list of games for me which illustrate their contention that a runner who is tagged before he touches home plate is actually out. Besides, by delaying my decision for the next six weeks, the runner can have a far more pleasant Christmas holiday!”
And so, all of the players, managers, and fans return home to wait an additional six weeks for the umpire to make up his freakin’ mind already.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So what happened yesterday in the criminal case of USA v. Michael C. Irving?
To put in plainly, the judge does not want to sentence the defendant to prison. The law, the sentencing guidelines, and literally 100% of relevant cases clearly call for a prison sentence to be imposed; he just doesn’t want to do it.
Usually, sentencing takes place two to three months following conviction. It’s been almost six months in this case, and the judge still wasn’t prepared for the big day. He hadn’t read the letters from the defendant’s friends and family, and he hadn’t reviewed the trial transcripts. Instead, he is now telling the prosecutors to prepare a list of similar tax cases where the defendant has been sentenced to any time in prison.Â
By my estimate, 100% of similar cases have resulted in prison time. While quite a few criminal tax cases have resulted in probation, these were the result of plea agreements and/or cooperation with federal prosecutors, which simply doesn’t apply in Detective Irving’s situation. As of fiscal year 2007, 68.5% of all tax criminal cases resulted in prison sentences, and the average prison time doled out for those cases was 23.8 months.  These numbers include a large number of plea agreements are so are artificially low.
The judge has the power to simply decide on no prison time, but he is desperately seeking the justification to back up that decision. He is looking for ways to minimize the tax loss in the case, thereby reducing the federal guideline sentence range, and he is looking for similar cases where no jail time was imposed in order to show that his use of discretion did not result in any sentencing disparity.
The judge has indeed postponed the sentencing until December 18th. That way, according to the judge, the defendant can be home for the holidays, even if the judge does decide to impose a prison sentence.
Topics: Michael Irving, Tax Deniers | 3 Comments »
November 7th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Poor Judge Loobner…..he was born without a spine. He invented the slinky you know, only he never saw any profits because a big toy company stole the idea…… – kudos to SNL
November 7th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
That damn judge needs to do his job and send Michael Irving to prison where he belongs.
December 1st, 2008 at 11:27 am
A further delay of the sentencing:
11/25/2008 MINUTE ORDER as to MICHAEL C. IRVING: The sentencing hearing, currently set for 12/18/2008 @ 9:00 a.m., is hereby reset to 1/14/2009 @ 09:00 a.m. in Courtroom 29A before Judge Paul L. Friedman. Signed by Judge Paul L. Friedman on 11/25/2008. (mm) (Entered: 11/25/2008)